but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
