We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
