i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
