decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
