My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
