She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
