Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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