There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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