I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this will be a night to untag.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
