I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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