She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
