Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
