just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
