Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
