I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
