They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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