how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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