Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
