Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
