I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
