Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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