i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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