She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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