I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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