nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
