malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
