I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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