I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
