I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
