**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize