Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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