The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
