**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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