We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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