my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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