So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
