so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
