so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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