You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
