Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
