Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
