Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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