I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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