so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My pussy is not your playground.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
