I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
porn star boner night. come get it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
