dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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