And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
