you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
