Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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