I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
