Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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