My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
