Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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