my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
