3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
