btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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