I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
